All the news that's fit to bury in committee
Science has catalogued over 8.7 million species on Earth. Political science, operating on a considerably smaller budget, has identified exactly 11 types of American politician. Researchers confirm all 11 are currently polling at 14 percent, which their communications directors are calling 'a strong foundation for growth.'
Mar 12, 2026
The White House Office of Public Engagement has unveiled a sweeping overhaul of its citizen feedback infrastructure, promising unprecedented access to the democratic process for any American willing to complete 47 sequential steps, locate a functioning fax machine, and sit through a webinar. Officials describe the new system as 'transformative.' Experts describe it as 'a cry for help.'
Mar 12, 2026
A freshly minted 12-member bipartisan subcommittee has been convened to determine whether the subcommittee convened before it was, in any meaningful sense, worth convening. Preliminary estimates suggest the new panel will reach a preliminary conclusion about whether to reach a conclusion sometime around 2031. Democracy, sources confirm, remains ongoing.
Mar 12, 2026
Before Reddit became the self-proclaimed 'front page of the internet,' there was Digg — a scrappy, user-powered news aggregator that ruled the early web like a digital Roman emperor, right up until it didn't. The story of Digg's rise, spectacular collapse, and repeated attempts at resurrection is one of Silicon Valley's great cautionary tales, and honestly, it's a lot more entertaining than it has any right to be.
Mar 12, 2026